He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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