Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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