when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
