just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
