drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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