Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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