i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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