Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
