just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
