I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
