I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Redeem this text for a blowjob
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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