how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
