Redeem this text for a blowjob
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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