Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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