New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
