Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
