he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
