I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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