new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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