I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
