i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
