I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
