I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
