Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
