Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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