Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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