its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
