She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
