hell yes lets make some ravioli
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
