im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
