it wasn't lemon gatorade
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
