I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
