Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
