i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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