Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
