i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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