I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
