FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry about my life...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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