He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
