Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
