There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
