just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Farmville is her only friend.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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