One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
