Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
