Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will pee on everything he values.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
