Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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