Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
