I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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