dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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