I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
