Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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