No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
