Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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