someone threw a dead crab at me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i came on her dog
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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