The maid of honor just puked.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
