After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
