I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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