Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You pole danced in your parka.
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far