I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..