My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.