dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids