She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
