Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.