Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups