You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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