If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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