you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We have started to decorate penises.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
