does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
