he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
