What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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