I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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