i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
