You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
