eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
