just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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