: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
