i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
