You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
