you traded sex for a burrito?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
