so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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