New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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