Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
