dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
